If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. Its more fun to let her figure
it out herself.
Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal,
such as "Spike"
If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed
it to them or have already given it to them
Play with yourself as often as possible. Tell everyone about it.
Be as ambiguous as possible. A grunt is an appropriate answer to a
Always remember: You are a man and therefore it is not your fault.
Girls find it attractive if a man has more woman than baths.
Never ask for help. Even if you really need help - don't ask. People
will think you have no penis.
Woman like it when you ignore them.
When clearing your throat make as much noise as possible. People will
think you have a big penis.
If ever you have to talk to a woman on the phone use only monosyllabic
words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.
One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend.
Tell her that you will call. Then refer to Rule 1.
Don't wear matching clothes. People will think that your girlfriend
picked them out which will cramp your style when picking up other
Deny Everything. Everything.
Don't have a clue.
If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.
No means yes.
Yes means no.
If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. You
may get sick or even die. This is one of the most important rules.
If anyone should ask, you have had sex in all positions and in all
Much like an orgasm signifies the end of a sexual peak, sex signifies
the end of a relationship.
You have no feelings.
Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at something,
either pretend it is not true or kick their ass.
Lie I tell you!!
DO NOT make decisions about relationships. When backed into a corner
leave yourself a loophole. For example:
"Honey, will you take me for a romantic dinner?"
"Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce each day."
Every sentence can be twisted to have a sexual connotation. Twist.
At any given opportunity point out how certain items look like
Make a replica of your penis out of Play Doh. Exaggerate proportions by
"Love" is not in your vocabulary. Don't say it.
If whatever you are doing does not satisfy you in five minutes,its not
Diss your girlfriend. Beg and plead to get her back. Diss her again.
Apologise whenever it is expected. Never mean it.
If you hurt someone, pretend you care. Don't.
It is OK to forget trivial things such girlfriend's birthday,
Ignorance solves problems.
It is not your duty to be responsible for your actions.
Create new words to describe genitalia, semen, sex etc.
Play with your food when in a public place with people you don't know.
Play with your penis when in a public place with people you don't know.
If people express disgust at something you are doing then DON'T stop.
This is the desired reaction.
You are not a virgin. Men are born without virginity.
You are male and therefore superior.
Typical Evening: Get beer. Drink beer. Play with yourself. Have sex.
Drink more beer. Pass out.
Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please
Don't ever notice anything.
If you are going out with someone but you love someone else, don't say
Fundamental of dating: Quantity not quality.
Fundamental of sex: Quantity is quality.
If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you
have done nothing wrong.
Men don't cry as they have nothing to cry about.
If the question begins with "Why" then the answer is "I don't know."
Every virgin girl is saving themself for you.
Never let anyone say "I told you so". If you hear this phrase other than
from your own mouth then go ballistic.
Other peoples pain is for your amusement. Be sure to laugh long and hard
If you've done something mean to a girl then pretend nothing happened.
If she continues to be upset ask casually "Is something wrong?"
Comment: "Lets be friends" Translation "Its bad for my good boy image to
just never speak to you again.
When on a date and there is a lull in conversation, tell her how many
girls you've had sex with.
69, all the time.
Here's a good trick. Tell a girl you are going to leave the room for a
few minutes and when you come back you want her naked sprawled on the
bed. Go and tell her father he should check on his daughter.(True story)
Default facial expression: Blank stare.
Beer. Then more beer.
One word: FOOTBALL
Real men beat up others who are inferior.After all, we don't want them
Women's Guide to Driving Men Crazy.
Do not say what you mean. Ever.
Be ambiguous. Always.
Cry. Cry often. Tell them it's their fault.
Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or
decades ago or with other boyfriends.
Make them apologise for everything.
Stash feminine products in their cars, backpacks and in their books
as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
Play Alanis Morissette's "You Outta Know"... loud. Look at them.
Look them in the eye and start laughing.
Get mad at them for everything.
Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
Demand to be called or e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don't comply.
When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value
Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick
trigger finger, and his affection for his Little Princess.
Be late for everything. Yell if they're late.
Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone.
Independence is a sign of weakness.
Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they're wrong.
Plan little relationship anniversaries, i.e. the monthly anniversary
of the time you saw each other in the library.for five minutes. Then
get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
Gather many female friends and dance to "I Will Survive" while they are
present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
Correct their grammar.
Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or
Constantly claim you're fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their
Leave out the good parts in stories.
Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group.
Make sure to cause trouble.
Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
Declare that you are not wacko.
Criticise the way they dress.
Criticise the music they listen to.
Criticise their hair.
Ignore them. When asked, "What's wrong?" tell them that if they don't
know, you're not going to tell them.
Try to change them.
Try to mould them.
Try to get them to dance.
Pretend you're interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when
When they screw up, never let them forget it.
Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting
Blame everything on PMS.
Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
Whenever there is silence ask them, "What are you thinking?"
Get mad if they don't notice a haircut. Even if it's only a half inch.